Get more living in your life!

 

Hello, Welcome to Zen Woman, Today I am going to talk to you about making sure you have as many truly positive, or perfect days as you can throughout your life.

Lets consider for a moment how fast your life often seems to pass, right before your eyes and you can wonder what you did with your day, week or even year. Think about how many great days you had in the last month, or year. Probably not many, but why?

Life is about those days, they are the definition of living, to enjoy the day, the life in your days.

Yet we let them slip by, often uncherished. We let the moments pass, sometimes even wishing them away, too busy looking to the future or whining about the past to truly enjoy them. We forget that moments make days, weeks and years.

We use excuses like time, work, commitments to hold us back, but really is one day a month going to change that, in fact its been proven that taking time out to do something you enjoy can revitalise the mind and body so effectively you could become massively more productive for the rest of the time.

So, we say goodbye to time gone by with no perfect days, we will bring them back, or increase the. Get some life into our existence and be a more positive and powerful version of ourselves.

I have a task for you.

You are going to need some crafty goodies or at the very least a pen and some paper, we are going to tackle this lack of living and bring some perfect days into your life!

To begin with, I want you to sit quietly in a nice calm room and close your eyes.

Visualize for a moment all the things that make you happy, all the things that could make up the perfect day. Set a timer for 2 minutes and for that time, just sit and think, imagine. Every littler detail coming into vivid colour, remembering every little thing, no matter how small.

Once your two minutes are up, open your eyes and start to write them down, all of them.

You can categorize the by size, activity etc…and you can use them later to make some vision-boards or dream-boards. You can even dedicate a whole notebook to pages of perfect days!

Then once a month AT LEAST I want you to take a day out from the usual life, choose a perfect day and make it happen. Plan it in advance, prepare for it, get excited for it and most importantly, tell other people so everybody knows not to disturb you on that day, unless they are a part of the perfect day of course!

If you can try for once a fortnight or once a week even.

This idea of a perfect day was something I picked up from Brendon Burchard, and added the visualization and planning to it this way to ensure we have a whole list of ideas we can action. No excuses.

You can plan your days alone, with friends, family, however you like and they can be as busy and action packed or calm and relaxing as you like. This is YOUR life and these days are for you to live it. Fully, mindfully and positively.

So, if you feel open to it, share your perfect days, maybe we can inspire others to get more life in their years too.

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Improve Relationships with Mirroring

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Hello, welcome to Zen Woman’s blog. Today were talking about mirroring.

Mirroring is a term we use in psychology when two people find themselves copying each others non-verbal messages via body language and facial expression.

It is often something we do subconsciously with people we feel connected to and it is a sign that we are in sync, interested in and feeling safe with the other person. You will often see people in relationships mirroring each other, particularly in the honey moon phase.

But this honey moon phase can wear off, and not just in relationships. Sometimes we find ourselves feeling distant from loved ones of all kinds, whether they be friends, family, children or yes, our partners. Particularly parents, partners and siblings with whom we tend to spend more time and can often end up bickering and harbouring negative emotions towards.

So what do we do when we go through phases of losing this connection? We all go through hard times and rough patches with people and we know were meant to put in effort to keep things going well, but what effort?

Of course there are a million little things we can do, really its the little things that make the big difference and today I’m going to give you a little practise you can do that will really help, but first, let me explain why I recommend this.

Like any couple, after being together 4 years and having a lot of ups and downs, financially and with regards to moving home and in fact country, my partner and I were not the closest we had ever been. We still loved each other and had some good times, but there was some distance between us and personally I am not one to just settle. I feel life is for living and making the best of everything so for me, we needed to work on things, I wanted the magic back.

So, we discussed this several times because my partner is more of a bury your head in the sand type so it took a few conversations to really get it out there that we could be better and should make some effort to make this happen.

Add this to the fact I LOVE psychology and we both have a deep love for learning and for self development, we decided a good step would be to buy some books on relationships, some on issues people have, some on psychology of why and how we need and maintain them and some just on basic therapeutic advice. I think if we were somewhere where therapy is more readily available I would have suggested couples therapy but here in the countryside in the UK its not exactly something you come across.

Basically we read some books and took up some new habits, we discovered things that made us laugh together, things that instigated some serious and deep conversations, some caused a few arguments as we worked through things but we came out stronger and happier and continue our research.

One method we found particularly fun is mirroring and I have since done a little research into the psychology of it.

We have all heard the term “fake it till you make it” and the like, well as it turns out this is true. Although our body language will often reflect how we feel inside, it works in the reverse as well, we do adjust our moods to suit our body language.

I read about an experiment where participants were split into two and each person has tasks to complete, half the group were asked to do so with a pencil in their mouth, which causes the mouth to form a smile shape. Afterwards they were all asked to fill a questionnaire asking about their mood, how they enjoyed the task etc and low and behold those with the pencil were remarkably happy, enjoyed the task and felt generally much more positive about life.

I forget the details so I apologise for not naming the place/people involved.

But it goes to show, we can adjust our moods.

Think about it, does it really make you feel better when your feeling sad to sit about in slouch pants? To say bugger it and go out in your slacks? Or does it make us feel better to put some respectable clothes on and walk out there pretending to be confident and happy?

How often do we get into our zone by changing our body language? When we put on our work clothes, stand taller, fix that smile on our faces and prepare to be confident? It makes us feel more in control and it actually adjusts us internally!

So, back to mirroring.

As I said we do this naturally when we feel connected, and as I’m sure you can predict now, recreating this can bring back some of that connection. Yes, it works plus when done how I am going to explain, its so funny you cant help but laugh together which is good for anyone!

You can do this with anyone you want to feel closer to.

There are three basics:

Hands-

Sit facing one another quite close, raise your hands and place them almost palm to palm with the other person and take it in turns to be in control, this person moves their hands around and the other has to try to follow the movement.

Face-

One of the funniest, Sitting again close and face to face. Look into each others faces and this time try to mirror their facial expressions as they run through them. Again take it in turns. This helps you not only connect via mirroring but makes you really look, and see the other person, to notice their facial expression and helps you to learn to interpret these again.

Body-

Lastly stand face to face, similar to hands, use your whole body to copy what they are doing, relatively close, particularly if it is your partner, its great. It feels almost as if your dancing, the challenge is fun, the shared experience and laughing is great for lifting the mood and mirroring will help you feel closer as well.

So, I hope mirroring can help bring some magic back into your relationships with others, its one we found to be a breath of fresh air, fun, light-hearted and so simple and easy to do. It doesn’t take lots of time, or overemotional sharing and talking.

Let me know how you found it.

Thank you for reading/watching and I can’t wait to see you again in the next video!

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Top 10 Tips for Being a better Listener

Hi, Kirsty here and today were going to talk about listening.

Do you ever get into a discussion which suddenly turns into an argument because someone wasn’t listening? Yes me too, and I usually blame the other person but if I’m honest there are a lot of times where it was my fault too.

Sometimes we listen with the intent only to respond. Or we listen to what we want to hear, mishearing anything that doesn’t fit in with the argument our Ego is trying to have.

We all know when we stop and think, how to listen, what we should do to show our respect to other people in conversation but, as Brendon Burchard often says “ Common sense is not always common practise”.

If you think hard, do you ever truly listen, totally committed to what the other person is saying, or do you get distracted or caught up in your own reactions to their words?

Well whether you listen ell sometimes, never, a lot of the time or rarely there is always room for improvement right?

Being able to listen completely can and will benefit all relationships in your life, whether its friends, family, a partner, colleagues or even your boss, it is definitely a worthwhile skill to learn and here I have 10 pointers to being a better listener:

1)Prepare.

Before you see the person, prepare for what you may have to hear, for the tone, mood and general theme. Get yourself into a listening mindset, be ready. Of course sometimes there is no time to plan, but even then taking a few breaths early on with the intent of remembering the following points will really help you out.

2)Assess Expectations

What is going to be expected of you. What sort of mood will they be in, or are you in. How are you going into the conversation, be ready to adjust energies so you are in sync and ready to be open and on their level.

3)Pay full attention

It sounds obvious but you need to give someone your full attention. We all get distracted with thoughts of our own or things going on around and quite frankly its rude. So be there for them and pay attention to them. Turn off the phone, make sure your not fiddling with something else.

4)Eye contact

Make eye contact when talking, not constant as that’s intimidating but 3 or 4 seconds of direct eye contact works well and then glance away, look at other facial features and come back to their eyes, make sure you are focused on their eyes at the more substantial parts of the conversation, as they get to the point or to an area of excitement, be sure to connect then.

5)Listen with your body

Body language says a lot, be sure to be open and accepting, ready to accept and receive their words, this allows them to feel comfortable and able to express all they need. Also check their own body language and be aware of signals they may need encouragement or just a few moments to get themselves together. You don’t need t fill the silence, let them gather themselves.

6)Listen more than you talk.

We are made to listen twice as much as we talk that is why we have two ear and one mouth. Again here we often listen with the intent of talking in return and that’s not what listening is about. But be aware that you are trying to listen, give them the space to talk, don’t interrupt or over talk, especially if its an emotional or touchy subject. Again don’t feel the need to fill the silence, silence can mean they need a breath to reassess their thoughts, not you jumping in, adding more to the melee.

7)Don’t fix it.

A lot of the time people need to talk, to express and get it out, they don’t usually need your input or opinion confusing things, unless they actually ask for advice. You are not them, in this situation and you shouldn’t assume to know exactly what they are going through, even if yo have been through the same thing, you are a different person with different perspective and strengths and weaknesses, it is not the same.

8)No Judgement.

Just because you may have been through it and found it easier, it doesn’t mean their pain isn’t hard, or worse or maybe their choices came from a different place, from a different mental state, so no judgement. This person is someone you care about so be patient and understanding and try to see if through their eyes.

9)Awareness

Be aware of your impact on that person. They have come to you for a reason, they may be in a vulnerable position, your opinion could really affect the and their decision and like e said earlier, you are not them, it is not for you to decide what they should do in your eyes. Just be aware of the input you could have even with an off hand comment or gesture.

10)Be Trustworthy

Be trustworthy, people don’t talk to you so you can take that information and file it away too use with someone else, Its not your job to share stories, even if you feel someone would benefit fro knowing this story, maybe you connect them to talk, its not for you to share the information.

So after all this amazing listening, good job!

Now there may come a time at the end of the conversation where it is your turn to talk, this is an ideal time to ask questions to really show you were listening and are showing interest but be careful.

Don’t ask questions because you are feeling nosy, if an aspect is going to be painful or hard for them to say, let it be unsaid.

Don’t ask questions your not willing to listen to the answer, only ask what you are able to show interest in.

Think if this is going to be helpful for them.

And remember, generally people can only talk intensely for about 20 minutes before they burn out. Do you remember a time in your life where being able to just talk helped you, where it made a massive impact and really helped you out, where you were moved and felt so connected and positive because of someone else listening?

Don’t you wan to be that person to someone else?

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Woman of the Week- Charlaine Harris

OK so this weeks woman of the week is a woman whose work I absolutely love!

Charlaine Harris.

You may not know her, but to me she is best known for her writing of the Southern Vampire mysteries, which you may recognise as the True Blood Series. You may have seen the TV series, if you have, and have not yet read the books, read them! They are so different to the series, especially after the first few, yet still have the same magic, so its not like your reading what you have already seen.

Anyway I love the way she writes, and I love the way she blends supernatural with murder, mystery and drama, she is a very talented author. I am also a personal fan of her Harper Connely mysteries as well and although I haven’t read masses of her other work I am sure I will one day as I love what I have come across so far.

So why is she an inspiration?

Charlaine tarted out writing at a young age, she wrote poems about teenage angst, she was an artist using her art as a form of expression, she took this further and has gone on to write many successful book series. She took something she loved, something she needed to do, and made it her career. She does what she loves every day, and she is a success. If that isn’t inspirational, then I don’t know what is!

So a nice short one this week, but one that I personally connect with, so here she is on my inspirational woman of the week episode.

Woman of the Week- J.K Rowling

OK so today’s inspirational woman, J.K Rowling is known and adored worldwide for her art. For the Harry potter series.

Now before I go on I must be honest and admit I am not a massive fan of the books or even films but I do see the attraction for others, personally I put my lack of enthusiasm down to the simple fact I was a little old when the books came out and I never read children’s books, at about the age of 10, I picked up my first James Herbert horror book and from there on out was incapable of reading children’s books, I found them lacking in grit and real life adult drama. So I could never get into the books and have seen the films and appreciate the Sunday afternoon relaxing film value but again, I don’t watch a lot of TV so when I do, I go for things generally more intense.

OK so I apologize to aany Harry Potter fans who feel hurt that I don’t value the series nearly enough, I do see its value and I do appreciate its market place and how many minds were opened and enchanted. Its just not my personal favourite. I agree it is a brilliant idea.

Anyway this isn’t a blog about my view on Harry Potter. It is about the inspirational woman behind it. Joanne Rowing.

After graduating university and moving to Portugal to teach English, Rowling married and had a daughter but unfortunately thins didn’t work out and it ended in divorce and a move to Scotland.

At this point, Rowland was living on welfare, struggling to support her daughter and write her book.

She kept at the dream, despite the difficult financial issues and being a single parent, which is inspirational enough but then to have the book rejected time and time again and still keep plugging on, once again inspiring. Luckily, she did not give up, even though she had been told she should probably just get a day job by one publishers, and eventually she got given a chance and Harry Potter was brought to life!

As you know the books took of exponentially and were soon followed by the film series, I wont go into numbers on how many millions they earned or how many awards she received as the point is not the level of success here, its the fact she did succeed, she followed her dream and she made it happen. She did not give up at the first hurdles and quite during her hardship. She made it through and is now the 13^th wealthiest woman in the world! She is doing what she loved and is providing for her daughter more than she ever could have dreamed.

So lets take note ladies, there are going to be hard times. We are going to feel like quitting, like selling out and taking an easier route, but it ends. The hard times will pass and your hard work will pay off!

We just need to stay on task, focused, motivated and show gratitude and longitude and we too, can see our dreams start to manifest.

Woman of the week Coco Chanel

When we hear the name Coco Chanel, what do we think?

For me luxury sprung to mind, an energy of strong women, or wealth and knowing what a woman wants.

But that is far from where it all began, and her struggle and success is what brought her on to our woman of the week list. Read on, ladies, read on:

After her mothers death, her father put her into an orphanage where she was taught to sew by the nuns who raised her, a skill that would eventually bring her fame and fortune, but it wasn’t just her ability to sew.

Chanel initially tried her hand at singing and was given a chance to become more when she became involved with a man, at the age of 20, who would offer to help her start a business in Paris, though she soon left him for an even wealthier friend of his, both men were instrumental in creating her fortune.

Now let me just state here, I am not saying she was a gold digger, and neither am I condoning anything of the sort, but a girl has got to eat, and I cn only imagine the sort of self worth and confidence a woman from a background such as hers must have gathered to be able to talk to men of that stature, she must have been such a strong and adamant young woman, She knew she could become something and she must surround herself with success to become success, and that’s what she did.

So in 1910, she opened her first shop selling hats in Paris, later opening two more stores and by the 1920’s she expanded by launching her first perfume, Chanel no.5. Although at the time, she had to cut a deal to get the perfume produced which left her with only 10% of the profits, as the brand grew she repeatedly sued to get the terms renegotiated.

In 1925 she introduced the first chanel suit and the little black dress and her success was such she began designing costumes for the ballets.

In 1923 Chanel had begin a decades long relationship with the duke of Westminster and after several marriage proposals she was reported to have said “There have been several Duchesses of Westminster—but there is only one Chanel!”

Although the 1930’s economic depression did cause some impact on her business, it was the outbreak of the war which caused her to close her business.

During the German occupation of France she became involved with a military officer and was allowed privileges, after the war ended, she was interrogated but not charged as a collaborator, but she did suffer in public opinion.

At the fabulous age of 70 Chanel made a reappearance back into the fashion world and although she was first criticised and received many bad reviews, her feminine and easy fitting designs won out and she, once again, was able to create and share her designs with shoppers worldwide!

Chanel died in 1970 but her legacy lives on. She is an inspiration for survival, for dragging herself out of poverty and into a better life and for fighting and continuing to create even through negative public opinion and criticism.

She believed in herself and she was such a strong and confident woman, the world couldn’t possibly dispute her success in the long run.

She is an inspiration to what a woman can achieve and what she can survive, so here is to Coco Chanel!

Women of the week-Margaret Fuller

Born in just 1810, Margaret was way ahead of her time with regards to the empowerment of women.

She was a well read, well educated lady who was the first woman to be allowed access to Harvard library, she was hopeful to become a journalist and continue studies. But when her father dies unexpectedly, the estate went to her Uncles and Margaret was left looking after the family and had to take a job as a teacher to supplement the family income.

In 1839, she moved the family to Massachusetts and started leading talks on the women’s role in society and was offered a job in transcendentalists magazine where she became a leading figure and began to write and talk once again about the role of women in society and the emancipation of women.

In 1844 she moved to New York and became the New York Tribunes first female editor, she frequently broke barriers, taking roles previously denied to women.

In 1848 she married and had a child and the couple became involved in Guiseppe Mazzini’s fight for the establishment of a Roman Republic. She worked as a nurse whilst her husband fought.

On a return journey to America, the ship Margaret was journeying on hit a sandbank, the ship was abandoned and Margaret was never seen again.

Throughout her life Margaret inspired women far and wide and wrote extensively about a range of social issues fro homelessness to womens inequality and played a big role in promoting many progressive ideas sparking later movements picked up by womens activists and social campaigners.

Her life was inspirational in so many ways, not only did she stand up to the social restrictions and break through boundaries herself, she also spoke out for and to other women and people in less equal positions. She was brave and a major success definitely worth celebrating!

Woman of the Week- Kelly Holmes

Even from a young age, Kelly showed exceptional abilities in athletics, by the age of 14 she had decided she wanted to become an Olympian athlete but because of lack of funding, she joined the army at 18, where she was a truck driver, then personal trainer and even made it as far as becoming sergeant.

Kelly soon became frustrated and, after watching a former rival compete at the Barcelona Olympics, she started serious training again. Kelly was even allowed to compete with the men in the 1500m races as the other women were nowhere near her in competition.

After successes through her training, Kelly suffered a stress factor and then a ruptured Achilles tendon in 1997, for the following 5 years she suffered much injury and illness and lost a lot of faith and motivation but she did not stop, only slowed.

In 2002 she got herself a new trainer and started afresh, training in Africa along side a close friend and started to build herself up once more.
As you probably know she went on, over the next few years to win medal after medal and regain her confidence and strength and in 2004 she won Olympic gold medals in both 800 and 1500m races, becoming only the third woman ever to achieve the middle distance double.

 

 

I have not listed all her wins because, quite frankly there are so many.
This woman is an inspiration not only because of her physical abilities, nor for her ability to set a dream and spend her life chasing it and making it happen but for her ability to withstand setbacks, to get herself through the mental trials and tribulations and still come out a winner…by winner I’m not referring to the medals, I’m referring to the personal wins, the strength and motivation she used which now inspires us all!

Good work Kelly, and thank you for showing us what we can achieve when we keep on getting back up!

Women…Dont get money guilt! Lets be wealthy

OK so this week I have been thinking about and really focusing on money, and more specifically the negative associations we women associate with money. Now I know you may be thinking: “Are you mad? I’d love some wealth, its a total positive”

Well then why don’t you have it???

Now I’m not saying bad circumstances don’t contribute to lack of wealth for some of us, but for a lot of us, it is down to subliminal messages and subconscious sabotage or outright and identifiable feelings of not being worth more.I am currently reading Get Rich Lucky Bitch by Denise Duffield Thomas and this woman really hits it on the head.

(she is actually an affiliate of mine because she does some truly great work and honestly we could all learn form her so to find out more: Denise Duffield Thomas-Homepage)

Think now, ladies. Really think about being wealthy.

What do you imagine, past the walk in wardrobes and beach holidays.

Who do you see yourself becoming as you grow in wealth? Do you see troubles arising because of wealth?
Do you feel like other people may distance themselves, or be jealous or ask for charity?

Do you feel like you would have to become a heartless bitch, greedy and un-sharing to become wealthy?

Are you afraid of what you might loose? Do you think your relationship might suffer, or do you feel like it would take up too much time, too much effort, do you worry about the pay-off in other areas of life?

Do you feel poor? Have you always felt poor, were you brought up thinking that wanting more is greedy and ungrateful?

Do you feel you don’t have anything to offer that is worth wealth? Does wealth make you feel uncomfortable or guilty? That you have it, whilst others suffer in the world?

Do you feel like a bad person if you dont take care of everyone else before yourself?  This one is very much a female thing but some of you uys get it too….we need to nurture, our maternal instinct is to put others first…but we mustn’t do it at the cost of ourselves!

(I did a video on this this week, CLICK HERE!)

Or to hear Denises FREE audio on recognising the 7 most common money blocks:

The 7 Most Sabotaging Money Blocks Holding Back Most Entrepreneurs & How To Clear Them.

AND Denise is now also offering a free mini course on manifesting, so be sure to GRAB IT HERE!

Now ladies, if any of these things resonates with you… what do you think these thoughts are doing to your ability to manifest wealth and abundance? What you believe and want most, what you work for with your whole heart is what you get, if you are not able to feel worthy and to see yourself as a wealthy, yet positive person, if you doubt the actions of loved ones when wealth is involved…you are telling the universe, “Nope, Its not for me”

Basically all the reasons above are total BS. We need to clear these issues before we can move past our money blocks and realize that people aren’t going to hate us because we are wealthy, not if we stay pure, if we remember where we came from and show gratitude.
If we continue to support others in other ways they shouldn’t come asking for charity and if they do it is totally your choice to help or not, you do not have to give away your wealth, your power just because someone asks. Maybe you can advise them on clearing their money blocks as well.
If we stay grounded and take time out to remember who we are and make sure to plan down time, there is no reason anything negative need come of wealth.
There is no reason we must stay poor, there is nobody more deserving than you, me, any one of us. We all have the same right to attract wealth and live the best lives we can.

Now, I cannot stress this enough: We are NOT responsible for everyone else. By becoming wealthy we are not taking from others, we are simply manifesting for ourselves. We need not feel guilty for other people. We CANNOT take on the troubles of the world and actually you know what?
If we are wealthy, we actually have more chance, opportunity and power we can use for the greater good! You can actually go and help people whether financially, time-wise, with products or services or simply with your support and experience. Be a role model! Inspire!

 

Lets be frank, wealth is really just power. Having the power to live the dream life, to have the freedom to choose where life takes you, to have the ability to help others, or teach others, to use your experience of power to give them their own methods. Its is manifestation of your own self belief and worth.

And why the hell should we not all feel like the fabulous, sensual, powerful goddesses we truly are?

 

The book I mentioned is great for giving you an in depth look at why your finances are not progressing, ad I recommend it if your ready for change. Otherwise I do a lot of manifesting and clearing blocks via Zen Woman so you can always join us there to come to terms with and improve your wealth!

Lastly, if your REALLY ready to make the change, to take it to the top, skip the crap and make it work, there is a MONEY BOOTCAMP, which is an enormously popular, successful and worthwhile investment in yourself and your future finances!

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Who do you WANT to be?

When you vision the perfect version of yourself, what do you see?

Do you know how to take the first steps to becoming that person, to taking on th positive attributes?  This video will give you a few pointers: